crazy stuff man.

April 27

hmmmmmmmm.

a lot on my mind

i’m happy, i think…

like, today was so fun and like

idk.

i have this weird feeling in my stomach.

like

i don’t know

i like youtube

www.youtube.com/thingsarenice

i’m gonna make a video of this blog.

April 2

everyones angry

and it’s my fault

and i can’t stand it

no ones acting normal around me

i feel bad enough

my dad won’t stop calling me unhealthy

my moms is so freaking sick

this econemy is fucking with my family

my brother might be a college dropout soon

i’m scared that i’ll have summer school

theres nothing left

i want my friends back

i want my good grades back

i want the teachers to like me again

i don’t want to be in sped anymore

i’m not stupid

i don’t need therapy

i’m fine

i’m just sad

i’m so freaking sad right now

things were going well and i knew that something bad would happen

i knew something had to come becuase good things never last

and i’m so sick

i’m sick of everyone hating me

and my parents being dissapointed

i’m sick of gaining weight

i’m sick of being jelous

becuase all i am is jelous of mimi

shes skinny

she has big boobs

she has a perfect smile

she has the boy who i’ve liked for a fucking year

she has every single fucking thing i want

and shes not unhappy

shes fucking perfect

shes what i’ve wanted since i was a kid

she even has shaun

A FUCKING YEAR

a year

and she gets him

i feel like everythings just fucked up

and i’m so tired of it

i have nobody to talk to becuase everyones mad at me

and i need someone to talk to right now

i need a friend who will listen and know how bad everyones making me feel

everythings so fucking bad

i’m so freaking upset

this isn’t how things are supposed to be

highschool should be good

i should be doing well and know what i want to be

but i have no fucking idea

i’m fucking scared

none of this is right

March 30

i havn’t blogged in such a long time

well long time being like….a week or two.

but thats nothing in comparison to my other blog. god i should catch people up on that.

i also havn’t read katrinas in forever. it makes me sad becuase i love her blog, well…i used to. she changed so much, really grew up. i’m happy for her, but sometimes i miss the old youtube katrina :/

I WOULD LIKE TO BE MRS.NERIMON.

god. i miss youtube when i convinced myself i was friends with the lovley nerimon / charlieissocoollike/tom milsomWHOHASASECONDALBUMOMGZ/etc.etc.

sigh.

GOD I LOVE FUCKING INDIGO.

March 18

aw :)

this just made me smile, becuase it’s just such a cute thing; theres this senior in my school and hes very cute, and dresses niceley and is in a club i’m in [though he rarley goes]. i have to admit over the period of a couple of weeks i’ve developed a tiny little crush on him. obviously nothing legit, since hes a senior, going to college, and we’ve never spoken. but none the less he seems like a very intillegent person. and i saw that he wrote a note on facebook and since i was curious about him i read it. i just read this one and it just really make me smirk becuase it’s just a cute thing to say. 87) Do you wanna get married? I want to find someone unfathomably beautiful in the soul and convince them to do something stupid before they get bored of me. So yes. i just read some more. have you ever read something so sweet it takes your breathe away? 91) Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? Oh my god. I fucking hate it when couples use “baby.” It is the most annoying term. I would prefer “dear,” “darling,” or “lovely.” and i like how frank he is with this. like it’s not even creepy, just cool of him. 92) Are you hungry? I just ate a bumload of food. But I’m hungry for many other things. Like adventure, departure, sex, challenge, wisdom… very cute. and acording to this note hes never had a girlfriend and never kissed anybody. i do not understand that.

March 11

“it’s not you it’s me”

i don’t want to go out with bobby anymore.

i’m not saying its some giant romantic reason, and i didn’t really want a giant romantic argument when i told him. but i got one.

i told him basically i didn’t want to be in a relationship right now, and that i did like him and care about him, but i was confused about my feelings and couldn’t be in a relationship.

he didn’t get the point.

in the end he made me promise i would do it in person the next time i saw him.

obviously hes going to say/do something that is supposedly going to make me not want to break up with him.

but i don’t undersrand how thats going to make me want to stay with him, when my reason has nothing to do with him personally.

i hope he doesn’t try to kiss me. i know that sounds weird coming from the fact that i liked him for so long. but honestly, i just don’t like him as much as i thought.

like, before i got the chance to figure out my feelings for him, he just sorta wipped out the I LIKE YOU LETS GO OUT and obviously if you kinda like someone and they ask you out you’re gonna get flattered and like be all OHHH HES SO CUTEEE

but idk.

i just want to get out of this relationship.

March 4

“ Bobby (7:57:02 PM): your dating shannon?
Bobby (7:57:04 PM): yea….
Bobby (7:57:06 PM): good luck haha someone said this to bobby who used to go to my school but i never said a word to….go figure?

March 3

“ hows the bobster? cute? okay.

Justine, Asking me how Bobby was.

and he is :)

March 2

doodly di.

night of song.

the band is gonna play at the night of song.

well they’re gonna try out, and i’m assuming they’ll get in.

i never got the chance to try out for the talent show, so i was always planning on trying out for night of song anyway.

i still need a song. i have no clue what to do.

i feel kinda silly saying this, but i’m really nervous - even though it’s like a while from now - about what bobby will think of my voice.

i’m pretty confident though, so it’s all good. yeah…

so heres something i’ve wanted to say for a little while, becuase i’ve been thinking about it for a bit.

a while before i started going out with bobby, i was thinking about what the guy i was going out with this year would be like. i decided he would have to be funny, and just as crazy as i am, loves music, cute, sweet, but not like utterly crazy in love, and smart.

bobby is all of that. hes the best. he gets me and i get him. idk, it’s just nice to be in a relationship with him.

i’m not gonna be all like “WE’RE IN LOVE I LOVE HIM LOVE LOVE LOVE ALWAYS AND FOREVER LOVVEEE”

becuase we’re both down to earth and get that this is 9th grade, we’re the farthest thing from love.

but we’re both very in like with one another, and thats all i need.

i like being happy. i love it.

i love knowing that i have a sweet caring person who willl always be there for me, no matter what. it makes me want to go dance in the 2 degree weather and the rain and just smile so much.

i like looking into his eyes though. yes, mighty le corny, but he has really pretty eyes, and whenever we’re sitting next to eachother when people would usually like just keep looking foward when talking to one another, i like to turn and look him in the eyes. idk it’s just really cute.

yeah.

also

stairway to heaven was playing when he asked me out, and today when he left shauns house.

i love that.

so yeah.

this was my creepy honey mooners period girlfriend ranting about how cute and awesome her boyfriend is.

there will be more.

DEAL WITH IT.

it’s not like i have anything else interesting to talk about.

:)

March 1